I’m In
Yesterday, on quite possibly the rainiest day of the entire year - because why not move a bunch of stuff and a Frenchie in on a day when everything was saturated - I officially moved into the camper. There were some bumps, I’m not gonna lie, but I was very pleased with how easily I found a place for everything and eliminated a few other things that I thought I couldn’t live without but it turns out I most certainly can (like those extra decorative bed pillows...buh-bye).
I’m writing this at the camper dinette, with a window open in front of me and behind me and there’s an occasional breeze that feels wonderful. I still have to set up my “office space” at the table, but I can honestly say that’s about the only thing left to do. I may move some things around as I settle in, but that will be after I’ve lived with stuff where it’s at for a bit. Not only did I find a place for everything, but I actually have some room to spare, not that I’m looking to add onto my collection o’stuff unless it meets a real need. I find there are two main requirements now that I’m here: bins and hooks. Bins, because my pantry and bathroom cupboards are fairly deep and sliding out a bin seems preferable to pulling out 15 things to get to the one thing I’m looking for. Hooks, because camper designers do not consider that someone might actually need a place just inside the door to hang up a jacket.
But oh my gosh, I LOVE IT!
The campground was packed when I rolled in with my car full of stuff yesterday, it being Memorial Day Weekend. This evening, it appears that 75% of the folks have pulled out, heading back to their everyday lives. It is not lost on me that I get to stay! Even with the crowd here yesterday and part of today, I am not disappointed in my choice of a place to stay for the first few months of my new lifestyle. The place is clean, the people are friendly and I’m surrounded by nature, which is a real trick considering this place has a lot of sites. I’ve gotten the biggest kick from a couple of wee chipmunks who must have made their home under the rig next to mine - the guy is a full-timer who has a fancy skirt around his camper and I’ve seen the little pair darting in and out. There are two larger rocks behind his rig and I’ve spotted them on top of the rock a few times today, hence the picture. They are adorable, yet I will be looking up later this evening how to keep these delightful critters out of my camper.
These are all things I would love to share with my mom, however she continues to decline and while I saw her on Saturday and she knew who I was, she had no memory on Sunday that I had been there. Once again, I am forced to reconcile great joy with unfathomable heartbreak. I’d like to say I’m dealing with it well, but honestly, I’m not. My boss, whose father was in hospice care before he passed, said to me when I told her about Mom weeks ago that with hospice, you begin to grieve while they are still here. She was right. The journey between now and the inevitable is excruciating. There is nothing on this earth like mother-love. It can never be matched. It can never be replaced. And the loss of it leaves a void that will never, ever be filled.
So, in the same weekend, my heart sings, and my heart breaks.
XX
PS - I realize that maybe some of you who are reading this did not have the kind of mother-love I refer to. To be honest, my mom is not perfect, but I have heard so many stories from people whose mothers were absent, uncaring, negligent. I am truly, truly sorry if that was your mom, and I pray you find healing. ❤️
PSS - To my children, I love you fiercely. I hope you never doubt it.
Congratulations